The day my life ended

The day my life ended

Today it is exactly 7 years ago I went on a surf holiday for Easter with the kids.

They didnt want to go!

I was the driving force in that specific holiday.

The kids would have rather wanted to stay home, meet up with friends, play games and sleep in.

Their argument was that we had already spent some days in Seville for Amalies’ birthday and then had a full month of school work, so they just wanted to do nothing the entire holiday.

As much as the soul is healed by being with children and as much as I loved having the house full of pre+teenagers feeding them morning, noon and night, I really just wanted a holiday only for the 3 of us.

The kids (now 19 and 24 writing this) also knew that when l had set my mind on a trip l wanted to do with them, there would be no point in fighting it.

By then we had been canoeing in the rainforest, diving in coral reefs, hiking in mountains, skiing in 3 different countries, and visited probably every single museum, monument and landmark in a 1000km radius.

Yes, I was the kind of mum that took my job as a teacher, mentor and role-model very seriously.
So, l booked us an apartment, signed us up for surfing lessons and off we went.

Now the memories starts to get foggy.

I remember the drive to Conil de la Frontera. 
I remember us stocking up the fridge and unpacking in the apartment.
I remember the wet suits, the cold water, the wind, the thrill.

The very last thing l remember is the sound of my scull fracturing.

And thats it. 

Thats how my life ended. 

Not even on at day like any other day. 
It was an especially, very lovely day.

My life ended when I was hit in the back of my head by another surfers board.

Now you might think “hang on! you are still here!? how can you say your life ended?!”

Well, I might still be here in my physical form, but everything else changed. 

My personality changed. 
My life view changed. 
Even my physical appearance has changed. 

There is a reason my daughter insists that her mum died that day at the beach and she is right. 

I am no longer the mum I was.
I am no longer the person I was.

I used to have an IQ of 142 now I cant do simple mental math because I cant “hold” the numbers; I forget a number as soon as it is said.

I am a naturopathic doctor specialising in antihomotoxicology and a psychomotoric therapist by education. I’m also a herbalist, multi- technique certified acupuncturist and orthomolecular scientist. Further fields of proficiency and interest are/were iridology, complex homeopathy, soma typing, and hormone management.
I used to pull on my talent for using parallel knowledge instead of being restricted by linear knowledge which (unfortunately) is very common among doctors.

I had a 7 month waiting-list for personal consultations, but never took more in than l could maintain a personal relationship with.
I was interested in the person and found the reason for illness/disease intriguing, since they are always intrinsically connected.
You can not heal a disease of the body without factoring the whole human person into it.

Now, I get lost if sentences are longer than 15 words. 

I simply forget what the conversation is about during the conversation!

I can no longer factor anything into anything, because I can no longer recollect what just happened, verbally or non-verbally.

I am also a published author of 3 books on the topic of my method.
I call it Damoreology.
Now I have long periods where I literally cant read or write.
I cant understand the letters and make them into words and when l finally do, I can’t remember the context the word came in.

I can write on my laptop because I just place my fingers and type.
I learnt how to type in my younger years, so my hands know where the keys are, but I really struggle with long hand and people struggle reading my writing.

Besides that, when l write on my laptop I forget what I have already written.
I have help to edit text, such as this post and all my communications get reviewed in both danish and english language.

I have a few hard discs and a few laptops full of material I have created over the last 7 years. 

Problem is I have multiple versions of the same material on the same topic that I have written over and over and over again, simply because I have no recollection of writing it in the first place.

I used to teach my Damore-Method in workshops and courses. 
I had more than 700 students through my courses and I remember every single participant. 

You see, I used to have eidetic memory, so I remember where a person sat throughout a 6 month course, I remember their name, their family, their struggles. I remember almost to the word what we discussed in 1:1 during the course.

Now I will have forgotten all about you by tomorrow if we met today.

At the end, just before l accepted that my life as a professional was over, I had my therapists taking pictures of participants so the next morning before the teaching started, she would come to my room, show me the pictures of the participants I had engaged with and tell me their questions. 
I would then, based on the physical tell-signs of the person and the verbal formulation of the question, know what the problem was in its foundation and knew what I would have answered. 

For 3 day seminars we would repeat this every single morning because my short-term memory is wiped clean during sleep.

Its not like I forget everything!

My brain has been injured in such a way that I struggle storing memories and the ones that are stored l struggle recalling. 
Said in another way: I am making some memories. 
l just cant access my memories in sequence.
It’s called memory displacement and it makes it almost impossible to have any social engagements.

Besides that I struggle with my vision.
I am not blind, but I can not see.
I can enter a store and see there is a lot on the shelves, but my brain can’t understand and interpret what the eyes are seeing.
Imagine all supermarkets had all their products in glass jars without a label on.
You would have to look, really look, and intensify your attention to differentiate between what look like identical, indistinguishable products.

I also struggle with my depth perception. 
I cant see the difference between a shadow and a step. It could make me a proud member of Monty Pythons “Institute of Silly Walks” and l cant cross a street on my own unless its completely deserted and there is no car or bicycle in sight, because I can’t decipher how far away an object is.

And I struggle with efface. 
I know what I want to say, and a different word comes out. 
I can hear it’s not the right word, but I can for the life of me not recall a different word.

The word I use is usually in the neighbourhood of the word I want to say. 

E.g. I have said “black- board” instead of “coffee” … both are black, so in my brain that makes sense, but “meeting for a black- board” makes no sense at all!

After 7 years the people closest to me are fluent in Pernille.

The long of the short – I am no longer me. 
I am someone else. 

I really liked the person l was, really enjoyed the life l had created for myself and my kids, so the loss has been profound.

Truth be told, in the periods with immense pain, no balance, so I  needed to be carried, the incontinence I couldn’t control and efface so severe no one understood a word of what l said, I have considered euthanasia.

But I am still here.

I no longer work. Obviously. 
But l still have a voice and a lot to say.
And that is why I created this blog.

Because I am not alone in this!

Statistically 80% of all cases of rear head trauma like I had develops into hypopituritism.
There is a further possibility of 2nd Addisons due to trauma and/or a further resulting thyroid dysfunction potential.
It’s not a given, but likely and happens.

Most of these things you can treat with hormones and steroids, but the trauma and the neurological effect we (officially) do not have any treatment for.

Did you notice that little bracket surrounding the word “officially”?

That is because there might not yet be an officially acknowledged treatment of concussion and TBI, but that does not mean it does not exist or that there are beneficial considerations to be made.

This blog is mainly going to be about that, because that is my every-day, being my Damore Life.
You will see what you CAN do too.
E.g. how and why you can use nutraceuticals, amino acids, diet and habits to improve your quality of life.
Also what treatments and tests you can choose or consider and what might not have the result you hope for.

Basically I’m sharing what works for me and what is or has been a waste of time!

I am going to write in 10 different categories:

OMAD (fasting for 23h a day, I will tell you why)
Naturopathy – my field of expertise 
Supplementation – nutraceuticals, amino acids etc.
My Life which is my personal diary partly for me to remember, but also for you to be reminded that you are not alone!

As you will see there is no comment section or registration other than an email signup and that is because I rarely understand questions asked and I always forget to answer.

If you still want to write to me then address it to Lincoln, use the contact form and he will run your message by me and reply for me.

And please keep in mind: I am injured.
I have good days and I have bad days.
I am going to write good posts and I am going to write posts that makes no sense at all!

It’s a part of it.

No matter what, l hope you find this blog useful and I wish you and yours all the best in life.

Love P